I was watching the movie Deadpool the other day. Although incredibly graphic both visually and verbally, I consider it a modern day classic. The humor is woven in and balanced brilliantly throughout. One of the funnier running themes is Wade Wilson’s (Deadpool’s real name as played by Ryan Reynolds) love of the pop group Wham!. While I truly appreciate the talents of Wham!, which really means the talents of George Michael, I’ve had a 32-year old bone to pick with the recently departed legend. When Christmas-time rolls around again, and with George not around to worry about it, I’m hoping one of the great injustices of our time will finally be righted.
Of course, I’m talking about the perennial lie that George Michael’s “Last Christmas” is a Christmas song. A lie so great, mind you, that not only is it considered a Christmas song…aside from Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You, it is probably the most played Christmas song in the world. Well I am here to shed light on this travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham (the only decent Woody Allen line that doesn’t require 3 decades of living in Manhattan to appreciate).
All the song has going for it (from a seasonal-specific standpoint) is that it mentions December 25th as the date when a very non Christmas-y thing happened. That doesn’t count! Let’s look at another calendar-conscious song. When you sit around with your friends and debate the greatest Autumnal Equinox song ever recorded, I’m sure you don’t consider “September”, the song that has Earth, Wind, and Fire dancing the night away. Yow! Of course not. September 21st (Autumnal Equinox Eve for those of you playing at home) just happened to be the night for chasing the clouds away. Yow!
Here’s a quick mid-post Insignificant Trivia Question: What is the greatest Vernal Equinox song ever recorded? Please. Like it could be anything other than Age of Aquarius by The 5th Dimension. And a belated thank you needs to go out to Marilyn McCoo et al for explaining once and for all what happens in March every 25,800 years.
Last Christmas, da da da da da. The very next day, da da da da da. Ok, back to the original point. Looking at it a different way, simply mentioning a holiday does not automatically attach it to that holiday. If that was the case, George could have made an entire album called “Songs For Every Holiday”, sang Last Christmas over and over again, and simply replaced the word Christmas with Easter, Dyngus Day, Halloween, and every other major holiday out there. George made that incredibly easy to do by not bothering to rhyme the word Christmas with anything. Was it that implausible, George, for you to break up on an Isthmus? It almost makes me want to call for a complete and formal removal of the previously earned exclamation point at the end of “Wham!”…Almost.
So please everybody, when you make those calls to your local DJ starting the day after Thanksgiving, request a true blue Christmas song like Springsteen’s version of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. Or the absolute best Christmas song ever, the Johnny Cash version of The Little Drummer Boy. The man was so cool he paid others to sing “Pa rum pum pum pum” for him.
You’ll be glad you did. Yow!
RIP George Michael: 1963-2016
Wham: 1981 – 1984
Wham!: 1984 – 1986
Insignificant Trivia Question: What is the name of Marilyn McCoo’s husband, who just happened to double as her singing partner after the 5th Dimension broke up?
Ok. It’s 7 years later. The song is obviously not going anywhere. As a matter of fact, versions from other artists are also played along with the original.
So what I’ve done is key on one aspect of the song and wait for it. If I’m going to have to listen to it, I may as well try to figure out a way to get a kick out of it.
What I wait for is the line “Once Bitten, and Twice Shy”. I get a chuckle out of singing…”Roy Bittan, and Twice Shy”.
That’s it. That’s life. Find joy in the little things. Merry Christmas 2024!